le medecin...

...ou le docteur. We were taught in high school French class to use the le médecin but apparently that is antiquated now. As you might have guessed already I have officially had my first experience with a French doctor. Yep, I've been sick. Skip down if you'd like to miss the gory details (cackle, cackle, cackle). I awoke Saturday morning at 4:30 am with the burning urge to pee. And when I say "burning" I'm not joking. You guessed it a UTI (urinary tract infection). For you uninitiated few bless your lucky stars because it is not fun.

After about a half an hour of contemplating whether I could suck it up and make it through the day skiing in Italy I decided it was a no go. Considering I had had to run to the bathroom at least 4 times in that half hour riding on a bus for 2 hours with no stops would be hell on earth. Sadly, I hauled out some blankets and curled up on the couch so DH could get some sleep (he didn't want to leave me here sick so he skipped skiing too - isn't that sweet?). I spent the next 2 days sleeping, peeing, eating, peeing, sleeping, peeing, sleeping, peeing...you get the picture. Throw in there chugging down copious amounts of cranberry concentrate diluted in water. Yeah, that's what they gave me at the pharmacy. No over the counter meds for a UTI just good ole, all natural stuff here in France. Thankfully it did help even if it increased the amount I ran down the hall to relieve myself. You can't drink a liter and a half of water without having some effects even without an infection.

Finally, Monday rolled around. I was feeling better but not great. Still exhausted and still running to la toilette more than is strictly necessary (even for someone who runs that way tout le temps - all the time). So I decided it would be in my best interest to visit a doctor. I hauled out my handy 30 Euro (can we say rip off?) Know-It-All Passport book to see if I could find a doctor in the area who spoke English. Look, I am trying to learn French, but really when your pee pee is loco struggling with a new language is not ideal. After searching through the dumb book with no success I remembered they don't have the list of doctors in the book, you had to get it via email. Stupide, non? Luckily, I was smart enough to have saved it and found it with not too much trouble in my documents. I found a doctor in Saint Genis and said, "Parfait!" (perfect). I called, with some trepidation. Why? Because I'm a freak, we've already established that in past posts; let's move on, shall we? The receptionist was very polite and did speak some English. Unfortunately, the doctor had been in some sort of accident. Don't ask me I was very confused. I guess she has not been there for a month. So, instead she said, but I can make an appointment for you with Dr. Franck. He is in Thoiry. Umm...ok, burning pee not really much choice in the matter. I got an appointment for 7:40 pm that night. Yeah, that's what I thought too. 7:40 pm!?! In France? The country where every grocery store closes by 7:30 pm? Really? I asked the poor woman 3 times if 7:40 pm was what she had actually said. I got a few emphatic and exacerbated, "Oui madame"s before I hung up. No doubt she was thinking, "Stupeed American, I 'ope zat zee pee pee does burrrrn" (think stereotypical French accent here - work with me people I'm still recovering from illness).

Thus, with DH in tow I made it to the doctors, found the place and miracle of miracles he was open and I in fact did have the correct time. That doesn't mean the doctor was on time. I finally saw him at about 8:30 pm. First, let me say we entered the office and there was no secretary. No one to tell, "I'm here for my appointment". No one to hand you paperwork to fill out while you wait. Nothing but a hall with closed doors and one open door with patients waiting and toys scattered everywhere. We took our seats, read our books, I ran to the bathroom a couple times...finally I got in to see the doctor. He didn't ask my name, if I had an appointment, insurance, nothing but what was wrong. He handed me a HUGE glass beaker and told me to go urinate in it. Oh my god, I wish I had my camera. I thought I was going to drop it in the toilet. It was massive and utterly ridiculous. I walked back down the hall toasting my DH in the waiting room with my beaker full of piss as I passed. I liked the doctor a lot. He was nice and seemed to know what he was doing. He spoke English very well and I practiced my French a little (I had the forethought on Saturday to look up the French word for Urinary tract infection before hitting the pharmacy - for those who need it for future reference it is une infection urinarire. Thank you Rick Steves.) So, back to the appointment. He said the urine looked ok. But it sounded like the symptoms of a UTI, so he gave me a prescription and a little plastic cup (like what I would have expected for the urine sample). I was to urinate, first thing in the morning in the cup and take it to the lab in Saint Genis. I knew where that was right? Um...no. He explained I said, "OK" and he said call my secretary with the results. Or just stop by and I'll read it. I thought this a bit weird.


Ok, so yesterday I did as I was told. Took the sample to the lab they said come back for the results tomorrow after 5 pm. What!? It was 9:20 am. It was seriously going to take that long to see if I had a UTI or not? This is just not the way I'm used to things being done. In the States I would go to the doctors, pee in a little cup and they'd say "Yep, you got one." or "Nope, ya don't". If the sample had to go to a lab they would send, they would receive the results, and call me and tell me what I need to know. I am sitting here with the lab results thinking, “I wouldn't know what was important even if it was in English. I'm not a doctor!" Maybe this is why my doctor’s visit only cost me 25 Euros. Because the patient does all the leg work. It's a little crazy if you ask me. I am contemplating scanning the results and emailing them to him. Is that inappropriate? Really, I just don't feel like driving to Thoiry to wait around in his office till I can get a hold of him. Since he has no secretary it's not like I can just leave it with her/him. Life here can be terribly frustrating sometimes.

Well, it's close to supper time and Ally is giving me the huge why don't you ever feed me, I'm starving eyes. So I best be gettin' going. Besides, I'm sure you've had all the piss talk you can take for one day!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, "Yes, I am feeling better. Thanks for asking."
Also, I probably won't be posting for a few days because my monster week begins tomorrow. My first day of work 10-6:30. Did I mention I had to plan and am teaching the classes tomorrow? Um, yeah. STRESSFUL. Then I agreed to help out with the older kids production of Fantastic Mr. Fox so will go straight from the classes to rehearsal, Friday I'll be at their final dress from 4 pm - 10 pm, Saturday 2 shows one at 2:30 pm and one at 7 pm, and finish it off Sunday with a 2:30 show. Yikes, what have I gotten myself into? Not quite the easing back into work I had planned. Oh well, nothing better than to throw yourself in head first, huh?